A while back Melissa’s Mom got me a self help book called “the Artist’s Way”. Its main premise is that we have more or less shamed ourselves out of being creative, fear judgement and also bestow judgement harshly to bolster our feelings of self worth. See DFW’s comments on Irony and the use of. 

One of the exercises in the book has you write 3 longhand pages every single day – mostly stream of consciousness. I have found that the content to be a mix of curiosity, journaling personal thoughts and decluttering (word association, blah blahs). It has been good for my mind. The sheer amount of content created takes away the weight of any of it needing to be any good. I have explicitly journaled for many years but have found the 3 page thing more effective at confronting issues. Sometimes in a dedicated space, you can try to be too profound or try to use a fancy of verbiage and get off track of the thoughts. 

Here is some snippets from this week – a wee bit polished up:

• Sound of freeway = not great, sound of ocean = great. But they sound pretty similar….What exactly is the frequency difference between cars driving on a freeway and the waves crashing on a shore? Is it modulation? Is it pitch? Speed of the car is tied to the pitch of the sound created. Would we all be happier if everyone sped up/slowed down to match the natural sounds of the ocean? Could there be an improvement? Analysis coming soon. 

• I have missed having my parents around, seeing them often, I imagine them passing away. I see them getting older and quality time running short. My mom seems reluctant to “bother” me even though I urge her to come and visit. She is getting weaker and has been diagnosed with a disease that apparently is pretty manageable but I haven’t looked up. My Dad’s memory is bad and he suffers from bad financial sense. I harbored lots of spite against my dad for being recklessly drunk for 2 weeks straight before he “dried” out that coincided with a 2 week visit years ago. He was oblivious to the anger I had. His brand of love he has for me is unconditional and absolute. My final grandparent died this year. I had a dream that my Dad died and I felt this enormous weight of regret. My anger disappeared and my love for him returned.  Seattle is full of transplants…probably similar troubles. Are their Moms waiting until a baby comes along to move to Seattle? Will there be a baby and grandma boom in Seattle in the next 10 years?

• I was wondering about how religion, mystery, explanations, fear and animals all intersected. What the hell do animals tell themselves at night? We humans created all these tools just to try and figure out what the hell is going on, why, and if it mattered…what does Hapoo think about the unexplainable? Or does everything break down to “it just do” and “bark at that wtf!”?
  • In the book “IT” by Stephen King (soooo good) the adults are unable to see the supernatural horror of “IT” because “IT” is so outside the rational world that they live in that to recognize “IT” would cause a complete mental breakdown. Therefore their brain simply filters it out. The kids in the book can have logical fallacies not shut down their brains.  Maybe animals are also seeing some crazy stuff. 

• Favorite quotes:
  • “Sometimes it is good to let that mental diarrhea splatter all over that page”
  • “Porch couch is proof that God exists”