Lots of ruminations:

• Sabbath thoughts:
  • One of the sabbath’s lessons is to be able to let go in the face of negative consequence. That a thing may need to be neglected to its detriment in order to heal ourselves. The thinking is, on other days, we neglect ourselves to negative consequence, but devalue its damage against other externals that are more “important” – probably because we are used to doing so.
• On death and the soul
  • I am surprised about how far I have come in relation to other creatures. 2 years ago I had no idea how to pick up an animal – recently I autopsied 2 chickens to understand why they died.
  • 2 weeks ago, Darkblood passed, my goth chicken. Over the course of 3 days I watched her bear increasing pain and ultimately watched the life exit. When I awoke in the middle of the night, she was not quite dead, but very near. I pulled a last ditch effort to possibly save her and I could hear the weak gasps of pain as I tried massaging what I thought may be a stuck egg. They are sounds I will not forget. I left the room feeling extremely hollow. I returned 30 minutes later, and in the same position I left her in, she was dead, hard as a rock.
  • When life leaves something, it is the same form but missing that most important spark. I can understand why the concept of the “soul” is a thing. Arguably, you could restore the working order of all the parts, yet I feel, that one could not restart life. As a secular person, I really don’t know how to think about it, it feels like a miracle. Seeing another creature die is a very important reminder of the preciousness and brevity of life. Amazing that we humans get up to 100 years – what a treat! This chicken lived until 2 and has an expected lifetime of 10-12 years. So like a human dying at 8 years old. Crushing.
  • Trying to help something and failing to save it is a heavy experience. Chickens and all prey animals hide pain as to not single themselves out for predators. By the time signs are showing, things are already pretty far down a bad road. If the chicken dies, autopsy is really the right thing to do as a chicken owner as you can hopefully learn something that will save the next chicken’s life. One should cross that line – however unpleasant. And it is unpleasant. I am forever changed
  • Cognitive distancing: Once the “soul” leaves, is it really the creature you knew? Having a concept of soul is also very useful for processing postmortem necessities.
  • I also the following week went and helped a friend autopsy one of her chickens – to gain more knowledge – and after we finished, she took one of the feathers and added it to the bunch that lives on the coop – all the previous birds now gone – a small memento. Then we dug a hole and buried her – exchanged some hugs. In contrast, with Darkblood, I was alone, and when I finished, I dumped Darkblood in the yard-waste bin – to become compost in some garden somewhere in Seattle. I wish I had saved a feather. Just some small physical thing
  • Having a day like Dia de los Muertos is, I think, important to think about and possibly incorporate into one’s own life. A day where we remember that the dead haven’t left us, they inspired us in life or altered us in death. I have crossed lines, and have been changed forever because of it.